Split Second

I was walking to a friend's place one night 

the air was cool and the sky was clear 

I strolled down this path as I'd done a hundred times before 

I love music 

I like to fade the background noise away whether it's the roaring cars or my thoughts

I listen to the rhythm and dance along the pavements

I love to see the cars rush by with the people excited to go home

They see me dance and smile while waiting for the traffic light to turn green

I'm not scared 

Fear is far from my mind as I make my way down this familiar street 

But today. 

The darkness seems darker than usual

My anxiety seems more active than usual

and I look behind me. 

I love to listen to music.

And dance along the pavements

But tonight I don't dare drown out the sounds. 

The Into to my favourite song may become the soundtrack to my end 

If I miss a beat in the real world I won't make it to my friend. 

It takes a split second for the thought to cross your mind 

And less than that until every rustle becomes a footstep

And every shadow becomes a shadowy figure waiting to jump you

the moment you're not paying attention. 

My mind flashes and I see the news article saying you didn't pay attention

to the time

to what you were wearing 

your body count

anything to make it your fault

anything to avoid attacking the attacker 

I love a good walk 

whether its the sun in my face 

or the moon and her loving light

Until I hear the first shuffle in the wind and 

and I'm fight or flight 

My stomach sinks and my mind is on high alert 

I call my friend and tell them to meet me half way

they doesn't ask me why but they say okay

so my walk becomes a jog 

my jog becomes a sprint

tears well up in my eyes

I wipe them away and remember I can't let my attacker 

see me cry.

I go over strategies in my head

my keys now between my fingers

use their weight against them 

try go for the knees 

whatever I do don't let them get on top of me

Still checking behind me every time I feel a malicious energy 

it takes a split second for a dreamy stroll to become a nightmare that might not end.

Just one person to see my body as theirs

Just one person with something to prove 

To be woman in this world is to be a walking target 

to be an object for somebody to assert their dominance 

probably never to face the consequence

for wanting to steal my body from me. 

I meet my friend and say thank you

There was nobody behind me.

I look out into the long street 

I've walked down before 

the bright lights illuminating my path every few feet. 

My friend asks if I'm okay- I have nothing to say 

my journey is on replay and

I can't help but think

It could've been today.